I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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