i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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