The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
