I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
