is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
