everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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