And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
