You're my little dorito
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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