It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
