I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
