Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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