This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
