I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
