its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
