all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
