Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
