I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
