check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
