Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
