i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
