Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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