She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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