the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
