You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
