The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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