the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
