You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
