RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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