I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
