dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
