I'm going to jail i love you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
