If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
