Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
