There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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