PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
