Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She bit a glass in half.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
