don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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