I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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