He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
