We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
