He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
