I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
