hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
