Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I need to stop coming to work sober
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
