he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
