I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
