who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
