dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
