i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh god it's open bar.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
