You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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