What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
