Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
