idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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