Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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