So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
