plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
