You really coming over, don't trick.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We're too hungover to prance.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
