life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize