Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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