sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
